Boarding School Concern support Conference in London Nov 1st

Well, I’ve booked my place at the Boarding School Concern Conference in London on November 1st.

Why?  I’m not sure!!!  To want to be around so many other wounded men and women?  Because somehow it is my tribe and there will be others on this journey of healing and recovery.

Staying in a dorm at the YHA Central near Oxford Circus, ease-y and just up the road from Friends House on Euston Road.  And yes, I’m fine staying in a dorm, tho’ I know some BS survivors aren’t.

There’s info. here https://boardingschoolconcern.uk/

 

 

ACE’s or Adverse Childhood Experiences

I recently went to the Attune day at Falmouth University.  A day run by young people on ACE’s.  Oh wow did I get triggered!

Colour your school (black) what animal would it be (a tiger).  And then I had to leave.  Walk out

The young people were GREAT.  Amazing really.  They supported and offered me fuzzy animals, did a want a hug, can I get you a drink.  I felt positive for them to be acknowledging their ACEs and putting on such an amaZing day for adults to understand more.

I wonder if they know, as others, that these ACEs stay with us all our life.  We gotta somehow identify them, confront them, find ways to release them, so that we change change and grow.  Tuff stuff though.

Maybe time for more therapy, ugh!!

“ATTUNE: A national consortium of academic, public sector, VCS and charity partners developing interdisciplinary research into arts and mental health through participatory arts-based research. ”

https://www.falmouth.ac.uk/research/centre-arts-health/attune

MOVING IT OUT to heal the hurting child within.

I’ve started Trauma Therapy!  At 75!  After a month away from home (& offline) I have come to my senses!!  Thanks to my grandson triggering me into a major meltdown!  I realized then as I sat in quiet tears that anybody else wouldn’t react like I do, and that it is my childhood, that wee gal who is still hurting.  And so I made the appointment!

I know my therapist & felt safe as she helps me with my daily life stresses.  Now, however, I needed and knew I could go further.  And it’s all about the sensations, those feelings that occur so strongly in the now being linked to a long-term memory in my childhood where I felt de-valued, abandoned, etc.   After all I was 5 when I was sent away and conceived into an alcoholic fuelled and, I imagine now, dysfunctional family.

So, to go with my psychological health healing I am removing myself from social events and chit chat.   Saying NO to friends.   Focussing my energies on creating a beautiful garden and majorly following a new diet protocol buying local, organic food regularly. Enjoying my own gentle company.

And already I feel lighter!  As I drive or cycle thru the leafy flower filled lanes here in Cornwall I feel safe and secure and happy.  It is the right time.

Daria Halprin  in her book The Expressive Body in Life, Art and Therapy, explains the 5-part process:  https://www.dariahalprin.org/

  • Identification
  • Confrontation
  • Release
  • Change
  • Growth

I like it!  Lots of work to do with Tracy and at home dancing it out.

I am in my final growth spurt!!!

 

 

Embodying Nature

I recently workshopped with Jamie McHugh in the beautiful Dartington old College performance halls and in the woods and by the river.

Embodying Nature for 3 days as well as walking daily from and to Totnes along the River Dart, under the ancient trees to this Sacred and beautiful place, SHIFTED stuff for me.  Truly!  It was deep down letting go.  Using voice, body, words and always for me, images.

Here is one I made later when I got home!  Title:  We are One (in Nature).   Dartington 2023.

 

Hope and surrender.

And so it is … 70 years since I was sent away and I still freeze and tremble at events that unfold and connect with my present life.

Due, I imagine, to be sent away so so young (as BS friends keep reminding me).

Recently, as I told my daughter about sitting with the chickens in the guard’s van at around 5, I felt my chest tighten and my breathing shallowed.  It’s as if that reverberation through my body still held memories of sooo long ago.  “At least I know where it is coming from” one BS friend said.

And we do know.  Yet it still goes on.

And independence ….. how do we build close relationships when all we know is survival and having to do it on our own?

In February I attend an ACA retreat in Scotland for Adult Children of Alcoholics.  Maybe that will help ease the present and allow me to release some of my survival patterns that no longer serve me.

So this year I surrender and hope.  There is always hope. 🙂

Image Tamalpa UK – Self-portrait Ritual 2012.

Wow! BSS-Support Conference

Last Saturday November 12th I had another mind-blowing experience!

 

Having travelled up from Cornwall the week before to attend my beloved Tamalpa Grads day in Movement based Expressive Arts on the Friday, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to meet with old and make new friends, the next day in London.    It was amaZing.  I was calm and in a good place.

Thoroughly enjoyed hearing remarkable speakers (with not so nice content) and meeting others.  Our break out room was great and I found myself resonating totally with someone sitting next to me who was new to his Survivor story.  The whole day truly touched me.

Ending the day with Chai and sharing the best-ever Samosa at a local Indian Restaurant with a BSS friend, I felt truly set up for staying at the YHA in Earls Court.  Lovely room with low bunk, yummy breakfasts and kind kind International staff and visitors.

Of course, it’s brought things up again for me.  Those questions I never asked of my parents.  And my own father and grandfather’s BS stories which I will never know.  The trauma of the past stays with us as we heal, grow and learn to walk kindlier on this earth.

There’ll be videos and recordings on the BSS-support website soon.

Looking forward to seeing everyone again in 2023!

 

Obedience

I find myself laid low in bed nurturing a cold/hacking cough/flu.  And reflecting.  When we do find our voice and share our stories, we connect deeply with others, and that can change life for all of us as we listen, heal and move on. And surely that is Peace.

So, here is a short article I wrote in June for The Friend, our Quaker magazine, before all the Downing Street hoohah.   In it I am linking ‘obedience’ with Nick Duffell and Joy Schaverien’s work on boarding school.

https://thefriend.org/article/letters-24-june-2022
Letter:  Obedience.